Time to go

The International media is waking up to a failure called Manmohan Singh. He is being castigated for having created a hopeless situation whereas he is actually caught in helplessness. Most pundits realise that any other leader from the current crop may not have made much of a difference. The nature of current coalitions do not leave a PM with much option but one-step-forward-and-four-backward. Any regional chieftain between Karunanidhi, Mulayam Singh or Mamata is regressive enough to derail most well-meaning agendas. When they act in cohesion, their collective might outweighs the PM-10 Janpath combine on the rare occasion they choose to take a decision.

The masses seem upset with Manmohan because he isn’t stepping down. His spine has disappeared and his guile would do a Machiavelli proud. He is behaving like a politician while people expected a principled schoolteacher. To that extent its only the mask that has come off. And one must give credit to Manmohan to have kept it intact and unscathed for over 2 decades. From a political perspective he has no choice but to demonstrate inertness. The next elections are unlikely throw up a significantly different outcome regardless of who comes to power. We are doomed to an environment of malignant coalitions.

The Congress party’s traditional strategy of plotting against their own regional leaders has caused this. Each powerful regional chieftain has emerged at the cost of a powerful congress leader in the same state. Typically if the Congress has a strong grassroots leader as a CM, his bête noire controls the local party unit. This ensures there are enough pulls and pressures on his power-base to weaken and gradually destroy. Mamata Banerjee was a Congress leader once upon a time who went on to become a minister in the NDA and eventually a non-congress CM. Jagan Reddy will be a powerful influencer after the next polls and shall have the option of joining any coalition on his terms. Orissa had just once leader of stature- Biju Patnaik. He was kept at bay and largely out of power by a successful Congress machinery. Ironically the congress was decimated after he died, in part due to 10 Janpath weakening the local satrap. Scindia and Digvijay Singh shall ensure neither rules M.P. Both shall be supported by the Gandhi family in alternate cycles.

The BJP has strong local leaders too but most of them have governance as their calling card. Raman Singh, Shivraj Chauhan and Narendra Modi are seen as progressive CMs. Their local strength is seen as an asset by the BJP. Each of them have supporters and detractors in the central arrangement. In the absence of a single-point power centre, this acts as a tailwind. Karnataka, the one state they failed was because of the absence of a strong local leader. When we look at regional alliances like JD(U)- BJP in Bihar, or the Shiv Sena- BJP in the past, the BJP has played 2nd fiddle in letter and spirit as mandated electorally. Contrast it with the NCP-Congress alliance in Maharashtra today where each tires to unseat the other every fortnight.
Future growth will not be a function of the next Prime Minister as much as it will on the nature of mandate. It is important for a national party to get as close to a majority as possible so that coalition partners are seen to be partners in governance and not irritants engaged in perpetual give-and-take. On sheer bench-strength quality the BJP should make a better choice currently, ideally without Mulayam/Mayawati or Jayalalitha/Karunanidhi. And if Narendbhai is not an acceptable choice for PM, we can make do with a Shivraj Chauhan or Raman Singh. The days of the all-powerful PM are history anyway. And we will probably be spared the likes of Sushil Shinde as Home Minister!

Ageing Gracelessly

With advancing years, the sense of not being “ in with the times”  creeps up with increasing frequency. From music to fashion trends to gadgets, one reconciles to being “too old for it” often.  Another flank where I inevitably give up is teenage vocabulary. A bit too abbreviated and sometimes annoyingly funky. However, of late I observe women in their late 30s (or even early 40s) use words and phrases that seem to suggest they are trying a bit too hard. Lot of them are with the “simple-living-high thinking” positioning i.e. they do not carry Gucci bags or step out of sporty Audis despite being well-heeled. And yet when it comes to the Queen’s language, there seems to be a desperate attempt to sound “cool”.  

As a result, “insane” is used with no reference to sanity. A dessert can be “insane” for instance! Largely with reference to  Tarts or Souffles though and seldom Gulab Jamuns. “Eeeeeewwww” and “blehhh” are other favourites in the lexicon. You are with-it if you use them frequently and also have a nuanced understanding of when to use which of the two. I could comprehend “eeewww” fairly easily. (Though I use the more conventional “disgusting” when applicable) The exact situation in which to use “blehhh” still escapes me. But I hope to decipher it someday and hopefully do not live to see a day when I use the term.  

My limited knowledge of grammar has me believe that  something that reads “I haven’t met her for the ‘longest time’ ”  is an incorrect sentence. But the frequency of such usage has convinced me Wren & Martin is being re-written. Strangely, some people no longer aim to reach you in “15 minutes” or “half an hour”. Its invariably “see you in 15”. I can understand this on text messages (its Short Messaging Service after all). Inexplicably, mentioning “minutes” seems like  a waste of breath even in normal conversation. 

 It would be mildly unfair to say this plagues the fairer sex only (I’ll probably punch a man using “eeeewww” though). But men have their own variants. “Have a good one” tops the list. From Birthday wishes to New Year greetings to slightly obscene innuendos, this phrase crops up almost everywhere. This owes itself to shamelessly plagiarising from the Americans. Surprisingly, this phrase is used by lots of folks who are otherwise unpretentious.  In one of my ex-employers, it was considered cool to sign off an email with a mere “Best” instead of something more conventional like  “Best Regards”. This owed its origins to a CEO who was considered by many as an epitome of sophistication.  Since his other indulgences were unaffordable, this was the only attempt at flattery by imitation. To my relief, people have increasingly begun asking for the “bill” at the end of a meal instead of the pretentious “cheque” as was the fad a few years ago.   

 Some blame my seemingly  quaint mindset on the subject to my lack of exposure to American television. By that logic, I should brace for several people in the above set using chaste Hindi cuss words in the near future. After all,  movies like “Delhi Belly” and “Gangs of Wasseypur” seem to have hit bulls-eye with them.  

A@&£ hole in one

Over the last few weeks I have been bored to death by several golfers, most of whom have taken to the sport in their late 30s. Their insistence on rambling endlessly about the sport to people who have little or no interest, is annoying to say the least. The most passionate sports followers tend to be soccer fans. But even they are largely sensitive in social situations. The first thing golfers tell you in praise of their sport is the whole zen-like experience of "competing against yourself". So who do you jog against? Or lift weights against? Granted the options I mention are more physically demanding but we are discussing a Sport I thought. 80%(or maybe 90),of people on a golf course have never played any sport with any skill all their lives (this bit is India-specific). Not even the school cricket or soccer team, just for context. So naturally those with a modicum of athletic ability or ball-sense tend to excel. I once told a single- digit handicapper that he was in the top 10 per cent of players worldwide. His blush turned to immediate annoyance as I pointed out he didn't stand a chance of being in the top 50% in any other sport he dabbled in. The denominator counts. What perplexes me is a bunch of people I know religiously show up at the golf course twice or even thrice a week. Several of them "never had time" beyond work in the years that I have known them. And yet, at a professional phase when work is meant to increasingly eat into personal time, the glamour of the golf course seems to breed exemplary time management. And then we have golfing jargon. My favourite is something called " muscle memory". Apparently that's what gives you a consistent swing. So what gives you a consistent serve action in Tennis? How else did Kapil Dev bowl the same way for most of his cricketing life? But you won't hear a tennis player or cricketer mouth such gibberish. They just get on with the Sport. I have held this view for years. Some friends have dragged me to the course more than a few times. The picturesque courses and the therapeutic effect parts of a golf course have are un- deniable. But then, I better not kid myself I am playing a "sport". Maybe if and when I am not in physical shape to play a real sport, golf it shall be. Or if I have a boss who places disproportionate weightage on golfing handicap. The quality of my work seldom gets me anywhere anyway.

Unsociably Yours

For the 2nd straight weekend we watched a movie at a cinema. I have long maintained that frequency of movie watching is inversely linked to quality of social life. In our case, it certainly holds true at least since we moved to Mumbai. Must concede I am a conversation- over -loud music person. Both of us are not fans of large dos and while I do indulge in Dumb Charades, Pictionary and the like, it's not really my scene. What compounds the matter further is being in the reverse situation while in Delhi and I look for half an excuse to retreat there on every 3-day weekend.

The irony is we probably have more people we count as friends in Mumbai than any other city in the world (well I have lived all my life in India but "world" sounds cooler ). And yet I struggle to create a "group" here. It's impossible for us to invite 8 of our friends together and not worry about somebody stepping on another' s toes or or an inebriated argument escalating into something more serious.

Heterogeneity is the thing I miss most. In Delhi our circle of friends comprised lawyers, journalists, the odd bureaucrat or politician, entrepreneurs and some people from the corporate world. 90% of people we know here are associated with the financial services industry. In turn, the people they seem to know are also the same! In the former, nobody competed with one another in any form. That made for way easier evenings. The diversity of conversation topics was an added bonus.

In Delhi one made friends thru friends. One got invited basis interaction at a common friend's place. In Mumbai that seems to happen only if your kids go the same school. (we have been fortunate with one exception ). People seem to guard their social circles with Masonic zealousness.

Some of our friends have moved here from other cities. We hung out together there too. Now, conversations inevitably move to budgets for home purchase, music systems, and the like. Either I didn't notice the materialistic streak earlier (which is unlikely),or it is the M-factor at work.

Coming back to the movies, "Kahaani" is a must-watch and "Paan Singh Tomar" can be given a miss.

Smelling not-so-good Coffee

Recent elections in U.P. and Punjab have ensured regional satraps dig in their heels firmly. This growing trend is bad news for the country since we are set to witness a reinforcement in the parliamentary elections.

An alliance begins with horse-trading and most regional parties walk away with a couple of plum ministries. Since the chieftain has to be based in the kingdom, an incompetent (and often inexperienced) stooge is typically placed in the capital. This leads to a serious compromise on administrative efficiency. A DMK is content with ministries like Telecom and Shipping so that coffers could be filled. Mulayam or a Jayalalitha will probably insist on an additional portfolio like Home given their extraordinary penchant to control the law and order machinery.

Given that anti-defection laws are restricted to parties and not alliances, a coalition breeds pockets of irresponsibility. So if a matter of national import runs at cross-purposes to regional interest, there is petulant stone-walling . This has been a significant contributor to the policy-making freeze that we are currently gripped by. The intra-coalition tug-of-war that such trade union tactics cause are beginning to hit at the root of the federal system. Mamata Banerjee has converted this into an art form and her subsequent electoral success will encourage many others to follow suit. This has serious consequences for industrial growth and expediting economic reform.

Regional leaders who are in the opposition in Parliament see a sporadic need to assert themselves as first-among-equals. They often tend to pick up irrelevant issues and rabble rouse them to a point of national distraction. Naveen Patnaik's passionate opposition to the proposed terrorism prevention structure is a classic example. Here is a CM who watched quietly as Naxals systematically took control of nearly half the state. There was no administrative or political will to curb the menace. But instead of setting his house in order, his advisers goaded him to pick an issue and create enough noise to position him as a "statesman" worthy of fighting a battle that went beyond state boundaries. Nitish Kumar does the same albeit with a more nuanced style. The Govt is left with no choice but to take two steps backward lest they create a 4th (or 5th) front.

One of the primary reasons for this phenomenon is the Congress' policy of weakening any strong local leader. In doing so, they have left the royal family intact but with a vastly eroded empire. The BJP on the other hand has created a structure with multiple state-leaders all of whom are consolidating their state bases impressively. But it has left them with nobody with national stature.

Unfortunately, no easy solutions come to mind. But amidst all the noise around the need to smell the coffee with the growing strength of regional parties, it is important to be concerned about the consequences. There are hardly any positive outcomes.