A@&£ hole in one

Over the last few weeks I have been bored to death by several golfers, most of whom have taken to the sport in their late 30s. Their insistence on rambling endlessly about the sport to people who have little or no interest, is annoying to say the least. The most passionate sports followers tend to be soccer fans. But even they are largely sensitive in social situations. The first thing golfers tell you in praise of their sport is the whole zen-like experience of "competing against yourself". So who do you jog against? Or lift weights against? Granted the options I mention are more physically demanding but we are discussing a Sport I thought. 80%(or maybe 90),of people on a golf course have never played any sport with any skill all their lives (this bit is India-specific). Not even the school cricket or soccer team, just for context. So naturally those with a modicum of athletic ability or ball-sense tend to excel. I once told a single- digit handicapper that he was in the top 10 per cent of players worldwide. His blush turned to immediate annoyance as I pointed out he didn't stand a chance of being in the top 50% in any other sport he dabbled in. The denominator counts. What perplexes me is a bunch of people I know religiously show up at the golf course twice or even thrice a week. Several of them "never had time" beyond work in the years that I have known them. And yet, at a professional phase when work is meant to increasingly eat into personal time, the glamour of the golf course seems to breed exemplary time management. And then we have golfing jargon. My favourite is something called " muscle memory". Apparently that's what gives you a consistent swing. So what gives you a consistent serve action in Tennis? How else did Kapil Dev bowl the same way for most of his cricketing life? But you won't hear a tennis player or cricketer mouth such gibberish. They just get on with the Sport. I have held this view for years. Some friends have dragged me to the course more than a few times. The picturesque courses and the therapeutic effect parts of a golf course have are un- deniable. But then, I better not kid myself I am playing a "sport". Maybe if and when I am not in physical shape to play a real sport, golf it shall be. Or if I have a boss who places disproportionate weightage on golfing handicap. The quality of my work seldom gets me anywhere anyway.